Ask me awkward things   Submit

My compass always points north but how would I know if I’m pointing the north pole or just a magnet.

My compass points to you.

Reblogged from swagfagfashion

yawnchild:

roselastrider:

yawnchild:

when i was born i was given the choice between a big dick or a great memory

which did you choose

i don’t remember

you remembered having to choose though?

(Source: swagfagfashion, via precumming)

They say crime don’t pay.
But it pays more than minimum wage.

All I want for Christmas is electroconvulsive therapy.

Hungry and anxious.

I like to think of the bits of peppermint candy in my ice cream as the teeth of my enemies.

Just remember you gave up your childhood in exchange for a brick of social obligation that is your phone.

My friend stood up to stretch. I immediately stood up because I thought we were going into a song and dance number.


I found dentures a block from my house. After kicking them over, I grew attached to this upper set of teeth. Turns out they belong to the drunken downstairs neighbor and my parents insist on me giving them back. #WhyCan’tIHaveNiceThings?

I found dentures a block from my house. After kicking them over, I grew attached to this upper set of teeth. Turns out they belong to the drunken downstairs neighbor and my parents insist on me giving them back. #WhyCan’tIHaveNiceThings?