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My compass always points north but how would I know if I’m pointing the north pole or just a magnet.

My compass points to you.

Reblogged from momsexual




when i was born i was given the choice between a big dick or a great memory

which did you choose

i don’t remember

you remembered having to choose though?

(Source: momsexual, via precumming)

They say crime don’t pay.
But it pays more than minimum wage.

All I want for Christmas is electroconvulsive therapy.

Hungry and anxious.

Reblogged from nentindo
"I have been waiting my whole life for this gif set."

"I have been waiting my whole life for this gif set."

(Source: nentindo, via homegrowninsanity)

I like to think of the bits of peppermint candy in my ice cream as the teeth of my enemies.

Just remember you gave up your childhood in exchange for a brick of social obligation that is your phone.

My friend stood up to stretch. I immediately stood up because I thought we were going into a song and dance number.